At first it was like going to summer camp. I’ve never been to a sleep-away camp but the first few weeks of college are what I imagine it would be like.
There were so many faces and names to remember to match.
And then it got difficult. I missed my family a lot. I felt guilty for leaving. I regretted not going to school in California.
An impromptu trip to Myrtle Beach was much needed.
Then I became a DJ for WUSC and that distracted me for a while. But then I went home for fall break and surprised my brother and I felt more guilt.
In November I planned a trip for New Years to see a boy. And in December I met another boy and cancelled my trip.
That’s when my friend transferred to Ohio State and I was left to find someone else to be childish with.
And then I went home for a month for winter break. I learned a lot about some people that I thought I knew.
It didn’t even fucking snow and I was very upset. But Mustard Plug and Flatfoot 56 were awesome.
And New Years was one of those nights that movies are written about. I learned more about some people that I thought I knew.
Things picked up in January. We went to Myrtle Beach again and took a plunge in the Atlantic.
I went to some parties and things were confusing with the other boy. But an outdoor conversation ‘til five in the morning cleared that up.
Then all of a sudden I was getting all this attention. I was overwhelmed by it, quite honestly. One made me uncomfortable. One just wanted to hook up. One was crazy about me. One was far away. One was right there but was embarrassed of me. One was just lonely. It actually made me angry because none of it was what I wanted. As expected they all disappeared one by one.
We went to Charleston for St. Patrick’s Day. That was fun. The ocean makes me happy and I’d like to see it more.
Things really picked up then. I got a hefty scholarship, a donation of sorts to study in London next summer, and was elected to be Public Affairs Director for WUSC.
I was on a cloud and it was all for me, for once. I was on my own and was gonna keep it up on my own.
And then I met someone who seemed to fit so well into it all. I wasn’t looking and I wasn’t gonna try anymore. You can’t ignore the universe when it’s screaming at you to let go and be vulnerable just one more time. You can’t ignore the universe when it’s telling you to relax because everything is gonna be okay. Just don’t fuck it up. And you can’t ignore your mind when it’s racing a thousand miles a minute and next thing you know you realize you forgot how to talk.